Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Pusher
Cut a swathe through all
Your hearts of doubt and fear
And sell it to me and
At a discount
Sell me too your dishonour and that bile
You keep re-swallowing and
Repressing
Sell me spleen whenever you get around to
Venting it
The white kind is best
Better than cocaine
And sell me the little black things
That decorate your soul
Your discretion or lack thereof
I am seeking whole sale
These things you need to release
These things you need to unclench and
Let go
Cut a swathe through it all
All your fear and doubt
Sell these to me and
At a discount
I'll push it to
Those who like their dreams soaked
With the excretions of sinners
such as you
Your hearts of doubt and fear
And sell it to me and
At a discount
Sell me too your dishonour and that bile
You keep re-swallowing and
Repressing
Sell me spleen whenever you get around to
Venting it
The white kind is best
Better than cocaine
And sell me the little black things
That decorate your soul
Your discretion or lack thereof
I am seeking whole sale
These things you need to release
These things you need to unclench and
Let go
Cut a swathe through it all
All your fear and doubt
Sell these to me and
At a discount
I'll push it to
Those who like their dreams soaked
With the excretions of sinners
such as you
By: Daniel Smallegange
Friday, December 30, 2011
Toxicity
Toxicity
Is in your mind infected
From the slurs and salutations
Of those in power
Infected too from the innocuous and those
Ill-inoculated as well
From the beautiful and brightly coloured
Poison custom made and hand delivered
Poison gift wrapped and pleasing
Is in your mind infecting
Toxic drift come pouring out of dreams
Words and beauty
Like waves from the oceans
Sweetly as the hypocrisy of priests
Infected and directed
Against you
Imprisoned also
By the garrison desire
Empathy and vibrations
Toxicity in the gutters
Racing along veins
In thoughts and embraces
Of them that hold us down
Tying us bright light blinding
In your mind infected
Toxicity
Is in your mind infected
From the slurs and salutations
Of those in power
Infected too from the innocuous and those
Ill-inoculated as well
From the beautiful and brightly coloured
Poison custom made and hand delivered
Poison gift wrapped and pleasing
Is in your mind infecting
Toxic drift come pouring out of dreams
Words and beauty
Like waves from the oceans
Sweetly as the hypocrisy of priests
Infected and directed
Against you
Imprisoned also
By the garrison desire
Empathy and vibrations
Toxicity in the gutters
Racing along veins
In thoughts and embraces
Of them that hold us down
Tying us bright light blinding
In your mind infected
Toxicity
By: Daniel Smallegange
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
World Domination is Hard
Minutes recording from the Council of Evil World Domination Brainstorming Summit, October 13, 2011, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
‘Hi, and thanks everyone for coming. World domination is hard. Heck, if it was easy, everyone would be plotting it, and not just the mentally or criminally deranged nice folks such as you or I.’
‘Hey!’
‘Yeah, hey.’
‘Sorry, sorry. Nerves, you know. Uhhhm, did I say deranged? I meant glorious geniuses and soon to be rulers of men, crushers of all who...’
‘And women, don’t forget women.’
‘What, fine. That’s what I meant. Obviously we’re not going to just rule the men and not the women.’
‘We’re an equal opportunity and non-biased evil society Gerald. Please, get with the times.’
‘It’s implied Randy!’
'Is anyone else hungry?'
‘Shhh Mildred. We only just started. Anyways, fine! Fine. Men, and women. Rulers of men and women. The feminists wanted to make sure we include that last bit. Rulers of men AND women….’
‘ And horses…. ‘
‘What?’
‘All equine creatures.’
Yes, fine, and horses too…’
‘And don’t forget the duck-billed platypuses.’
‘Really, is there any even here?’
‘Yes, there is. I brought Jennifer Duplaine.’
‘Jennifer is not a duck-billed platypus. She’s a lawyer from Des Moines, Idaho.’
‘I am so a platypus… On weekends.’
‘What? You’re a lady. And it’s Thursday.’
‘I’m a platypus.’
‘Fuck you Duplaine. It’s Thursday!’
‘Shut up Gerald. SHUT UP. I won’t listen to your lies!’
(Sounds of a machine gun cocking followed by many machine guns cocking, chairs being knocked over.)
‘You shut up Jennifer. Alright. Everyone, put your guns down. Everyone calm down.’
‘Gerry!’
‘Fine Jennifer, just put the gun down, okay? Fine, you’re a platypus.’
(Sound of gun cocking)
‘Duck-billed Gerry…’
‘Fine, a duck billed platypus. Please lower your gun.’
‘Thank you.’
(Sounds of chairs being righted, people re-seated.)
‘No one likes lawyers anyways.’
‘What was that?’
‘Nothing. Moving on. Now, please, everyone, can we get back to order… Now, where was I?’
‘Rulers of men, and women, Gerry.’
‘Thanks Ted, yes, rulers of men and women and all domesticated and non-domesticated animals. Now, let’s move on to ideas for getting there! Come on people we aren’t going to conquer the world without good, solid…’
‘And computers, don’t forget computers, or they can adapt and become self aware!’
‘Oh yes, good point Alistair, we’ll have to nip the self aware computers in the bud.’
‘Fine, fine. We’ll include computers, even though I think it’s silly.’
‘That’s because your desktop is from 1998.’
‘Now, that model is a perfectly good for what I need Mona. I can surf and do my word processing… spreadsheets… It’s ideal. Now can we please let’s get back on topic please, ladies and gentlemen of evil.’
‘And Icebergs, I want to rule over an iceberg with an iron fist, or at least a gloved fist, icebergs being cold.’
‘Shut up! Would everyone! Please, everyone quiet!
(General murmuring.)
‘Excuse me?’
‘Everyone shut up!’
‘I said excuse me…’
‘What? Yes, Mildred of the witches guild, what is it?’
‘I was wondering if we get snacks?’
‘We’re supposed to be coming up with evil plans!’
‘But, I’m just saying, if we had those little sandwiches I think I’d be much better… At coming up with evil plots.’
'Yeah, cucumber finger ones, like last time. I quite liked them.’
‘Fine, let’s vote. All in favour of cucumber sandwiches and snacks say Ai.’
‘Ai’… Many.
‘Fine, let’s break for snacks… Someone turn the recorder off… Man, world domination is hard.’
‘Man, and woman, COME ON Gerry!’
’AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!’
(Sounds of machine gun fire, screams, explosions.)
‘Hi, and thanks everyone for coming. World domination is hard. Heck, if it was easy, everyone would be plotting it, and not just the mentally or criminally deranged nice folks such as you or I.’
‘Hey!’
‘Yeah, hey.’
‘Sorry, sorry. Nerves, you know. Uhhhm, did I say deranged? I meant glorious geniuses and soon to be rulers of men, crushers of all who...’
‘And women, don’t forget women.’
‘What, fine. That’s what I meant. Obviously we’re not going to just rule the men and not the women.’
‘We’re an equal opportunity and non-biased evil society Gerald. Please, get with the times.’
‘It’s implied Randy!’
'Is anyone else hungry?'
‘Shhh Mildred. We only just started. Anyways, fine! Fine. Men, and women. Rulers of men and women. The feminists wanted to make sure we include that last bit. Rulers of men AND women….’
‘ And horses…. ‘
‘What?’
‘All equine creatures.’
Yes, fine, and horses too…’
‘And don’t forget the duck-billed platypuses.’
‘Really, is there any even here?’
‘Yes, there is. I brought Jennifer Duplaine.’
‘Jennifer is not a duck-billed platypus. She’s a lawyer from Des Moines, Idaho.’
‘I am so a platypus… On weekends.’
‘What? You’re a lady. And it’s Thursday.’
‘I’m a platypus.’
‘Fuck you Duplaine. It’s Thursday!’
‘Shut up Gerald. SHUT UP. I won’t listen to your lies!’
(Sounds of a machine gun cocking followed by many machine guns cocking, chairs being knocked over.)
‘You shut up Jennifer. Alright. Everyone, put your guns down. Everyone calm down.’
‘Gerry!’
‘Fine Jennifer, just put the gun down, okay? Fine, you’re a platypus.’
(Sound of gun cocking)
‘Duck-billed Gerry…’
‘Fine, a duck billed platypus. Please lower your gun.’
‘Thank you.’
(Sounds of chairs being righted, people re-seated.)
‘No one likes lawyers anyways.’
‘What was that?’
‘Nothing. Moving on. Now, please, everyone, can we get back to order… Now, where was I?’
‘Rulers of men, and women, Gerry.’
‘Thanks Ted, yes, rulers of men and women and all domesticated and non-domesticated animals. Now, let’s move on to ideas for getting there! Come on people we aren’t going to conquer the world without good, solid…’
‘And computers, don’t forget computers, or they can adapt and become self aware!’
‘Oh yes, good point Alistair, we’ll have to nip the self aware computers in the bud.’
‘Fine, fine. We’ll include computers, even though I think it’s silly.’
‘That’s because your desktop is from 1998.’
‘Now, that model is a perfectly good for what I need Mona. I can surf and do my word processing… spreadsheets… It’s ideal. Now can we please let’s get back on topic please, ladies and gentlemen of evil.’
‘And Icebergs, I want to rule over an iceberg with an iron fist, or at least a gloved fist, icebergs being cold.’
‘Shut up! Would everyone! Please, everyone quiet!
(General murmuring.)
‘Excuse me?’
‘Everyone shut up!’
‘I said excuse me…’
‘What? Yes, Mildred of the witches guild, what is it?’
‘I was wondering if we get snacks?’
‘We’re supposed to be coming up with evil plans!’
‘But, I’m just saying, if we had those little sandwiches I think I’d be much better… At coming up with evil plots.’
'Yeah, cucumber finger ones, like last time. I quite liked them.’
‘Fine, let’s vote. All in favour of cucumber sandwiches and snacks say Ai.’
‘Ai’… Many.
‘Fine, let’s break for snacks… Someone turn the recorder off… Man, world domination is hard.’
‘Man, and woman, COME ON Gerry!’
’AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!’
(Sounds of machine gun fire, screams, explosions.)
By: Daniel Smallegange
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
'Night Guard' (rock song sure to make me millions).
I got a night guard,
Baby, baby
I got a night guard.....
Baby baby
I got a night guard!
And it's gonna, gonna
I say it's gonna, gonna,
Protect my pearly whites.
I gotta gotta, I gotta gotta
Baby, baby
I got a night guard....
(based on true experience)
Baby, baby
I got a night guard.....
Baby baby
I got a night guard!
And it's gonna, gonna
I say it's gonna, gonna,
Protect my pearly whites.
I gotta gotta, I gotta gotta
Baby, baby
I got a night guard....
(based on true experience)
By: Dan Smallegange
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