My New Book Arrived

Super pleased with the new book, which arrived. Available on all Amazon in paperback and Ebook. Hope you support and think it's funny. Thanks, DS
 

My newly Re-Written Comedy Sci-fi Noir Detective novel is now available on Amazon. Check it out!

My epic scifi comedy noir detective novel 24th Century Dick is now available in paperback and ebook on all Amazon sites. I originally self published this 7 years ago, but have completely re-written it, adding over 100 pages, with new scenes, making it funnier and more readable. Order soon as it takes a few days to receive if you want before Christmas, and thanks kindly for your support! I appreciate and need it. :) See the back synopsis for all the fun details.
The Maltese Falcon, but funny and in the future with robots and rayguns!

link: 24th Century Dick : Smallegange, Daniel: Amazon.ca: Books

Beauty, Poise an' Grace

Such beauty, poise an' grace

Too bad you've fallen down so fast

Too bad you're now an' forever

The definition of disgrace

Too bad all your friends and foes alike

Now treat you with such neglect

At least before this latest spree

They gave you some respect

Now if anyone even thinks of you

It's only with regret

From such beauty, poise an' grace

Leaves such a bitter after taste

That's the bile rising up

From all that fear and haste

Look at you now

You've become such a hard case

Covered all up in sin

Along with all those tears and cheap gin

And where has that flare gone?

You've got nowhere left to run

Lying in the gutter now your

Beauty, poise an' grace

Has gone along with all your dreams

Your hope does seem misplaced

All covered now in mire and dust

Rise again you need to find

Someone you can trust

Find some friends begin again

It's the only way to salvage things

Go on and get revenge

By: Daniel Smallegange, copyright 2024, all rights reserved.

Proud to Have Worked on Frankenstein, a Feature Film Directed by Guillermo del Toro

Super proud to have worked on this as prop buyer. This was my favourite set, though they are all amazing. I fondly remember positioning bodies on this set. Can't wait to see this when it comes out! #frankenstein #films #toronto #vanityfair

The New Version of my Novel 24th Century Dick is Available!

After a year of editing and re-writing my genre bending comedy noir hardboiled detective scifi novel 24th Century Dick is now available as an ebook on Amazon, for $4.99. It's longer, more readable and hopefully more funny! Paperback coming soon!

"The Maltese Falcon, but funny, and in the future, with robots and rayguns and spaceships. Raymond Chandler meets Monty Python."

https://www.amazon.ca/24th-Century-Dick-Daniel-Smallegange-ebook/dp/B077HP6WMH

Sidewalk Cracks

You look into the cracks

Sidewalks cracks

Walking along the path

Seeking revelation or spare change?

There's broken glass there too so watch out

Don't become wounded or at least

Any more wounded than you are all ready

And your shoes are looking mighty poor and over worn now the sole all flapping

Now that I take the time to assess and scrutinize

Your face and visage too

So lined with pain and fatigue

Walking along slowly

Seeking validation or bus fare you bend all stooped

Looking into cracks sidewalk cracks

All the children laugh and point dirty fingers

Scoff away though pal

Scoff away

Keep those unruly brats at bay

Revelation though you know?

Found any yet?

I seek it too

How about in the stars?

Or tea leaves

You like loose tea leaves to drink

Any fortunes therein?

That drink is good you boom at me

It gets rid of the poison and bile inside

But revelation not so much

Nor fortune

Still I seek unhurriedly and I listen

If the gods want to speak to me

Or demons or fates

I'd make them a nice tea for the effort

For our repast

I would enjoy that

Talking with gods or demons or other

Over a nice cup of loose green tea

Better than this limp conversation

With fools like you my son

At any rate

You interrupt my walking

Looking into

Sidewalk cracks

By Daniel Smallegange, copyright 2024, all rights reserved.

Photo of the author by Rachel Brennecke

Tried Out My Crew gift Jacket in a Nice Long Walk in the Toronto, Autumnal Rain

 

I worked ten months on Frankenstein as props buyer, a feature film directed by Guillermo del Toro, shot primarily in Ontario, Canada. This was my crew gift, which kept out the rain nicely on this rainy, autumnal day in Toronto, September, 2024.

These Cold Winds Blowing

Winds come blowing

Howling like ghosts through

Interiors of the mind

Sculpting thoughts and feelings into

Hopes and dreams

Plottings and schemes

Born of all directions

Ancestors and genes, babe

Chemicals and blood wrought too

Look it up, it's in books you know

Or don't you know?

You ought to know things like these and others

Suck it all up inside your brainpan man

So you don't bleed so ignorant man

Winds still blowing

A veritable font of cross breezes

Illustrious or otherwise

Carving channels and paths

Sculpting thoughts and/or feelings

Nature as

Versus nurture is nature

Eroding the enshrouded

Through winds which

Howl like ghosts 

Disturbed old memories

Sweeping out

General malaise, fear an' rot

Sweeping out all

These cold winds blowing

By: Daniel Smallegange, copyright 2024, all rights reserved.

Apoplectic You Say

Apoplectic you say

Come come

Come along my friend my dear

You scoff and reflexively retract away

And so you say so you say

Your first wish to stay at bay

Fists all bunched tightly

Your smile reversed and teeth clenched

But your anger seems so

Contrived

And so overly

Dramatized

I can see it in you though

You have it in you though

In those wayward eyes

Pretty slate grey-green eyes

Apoplectic with many things

Calculating also

Eyes slant askance

Apoplectic

You say you say!

Against your friend and amie

Your esteemed colleague me

You need to have a rest

Sit down and divest

Some of them heart burned feelings

Your anti and hostile jeering

It begins to make a dent

In my own mental fixings

Apoplectic come come

Makes me so sad I can't help but laugh

You need some healing

Love an' joy

At least some time off

From the grinding teeth clench

And accusatory glancings

Though eyes of slate grey-green

Are not without appeal

Those eyes do say however

I should slowly back away

My friend my amie

And keep at bay

By: Daniel Smallegange, all rights reserved, copyright 2024.

Such a Formal Bow

To what do I owe

Such a formal bow?

From a stranger even

On this dark wet lonely street

Or have we met in times passed?

If we were friends or comrades

I should likely recall

Such pale beauty

So perhaps not this

And you prepared with clenched fist

Belies this thought

Such a formal bow

Impeccable in form

Without introduction

You arrive glistening in moonlit rain

To honour your fallen?

To avenge a loved one?

To earn a payday?

Surely then such a bow would be then considered

Undeserved

Impeccable as it is

Speak up my dear

Why so silent fist all clenched

What is in your pocket then

A pistol?

Or a rose?

By Daniel Smallegange, copyright 2024, all rights reserved.

A Cloud in the Eye to Blur the Impact

A cloud in the eye to blur the impact

Of your beauty would not

Be unappreciated

Although such a thing is

Unrequested it might be not considered

Unhelpful

As your beauty so weaponized can only

Shock and awe

As you blind me

To all other thoughts and hopes

Joys even

Such is the clamouring bright

Of your visage and general outline

Hopes are after all

Precursors to pain and  

Disappointment

And your beauty is after all

Considerable

The blue green of your seeking searching demanding

Eyes

Is impactful to say the least

To say the most you are

Devastating in your conduct approach and appeal

A cloud in my eyes to blur this impact

Might save one such as I

From love or ruin

By: Daniel Smallegange, 2024, all rights reserved.

Why Cat Marxism Was Doomed to Fail

 Comic by Daniel Smallegange, all rights reserved.

This Thought So Fraught

There is a thought which bores and penetrates

It confiscates and complicates

It is naught but a thought

But a thought that is fraught

With perils and unknown consequences

And common senses do not

Prevail

It nags and resuscitates

This thought so fraught

Bestirs beliefs and hopes and dreams which were

Flatlining or otherwise

Not trending, unbending

It makes a mind hesitate

This thought which penetrates

Spreads like a flood

Muddies waters and intentions

Naught but a thought

But a thought that is fraught

With dangers and unknown paths

Speckled with hopes

This thought so fraught

By: Daniel Smallegange, 2024, all rights reserved.

Be Cautious of Humans

Be cautious of humans

As a general rule

For most of these are bad

And inclined to treachery greed and or

Stupidity

It is a fact and a sad one at that

A hard truth you cannot deny plausibly

If ever there was a hearing regarding the human race

The outcome would be obvious and quite

Predictable

One cannot paint over cracks if they become chasms

Be wary of these

They leave a path strewn with destruction and refuse

They consume with relish

Be cautious in approach as also they

Can be generous and kind and

Beautiful of heart and mind

But these in the minority

And even more dangerous as they

Can allow one to

Lower one's defences

So be cautious towards this race

The human race

The majority of humans are

Bad

By: Daniel Smallegange, copyright 2024.

Me Doing Karaoke at the Frankenstein Wrap Party

A friend took this of me doing Karaoke of Leonard Cohen's Tower of Song at the wrap party for the movie I just finished. I had to go on right after the star and the director did a duet so no pressure, haha. Not the best sound quality as you know my adoring fans were so loud (kidding), but this is one of my favourite songs, just the first 30 secs.

Bring Out Your Dead, fiction by Daniel Smallegange

And so, ‘bring out your dead’ they cried, and came seeking and came finding those dead and those alive also, despite the seemingly specific nature of the advertising. Flushing the streets and those places of rest, salvation and ill-repute of those they deemed enemies of the entity, defilers and defiers of the grace of God, or just plain ruffian scum. 

Cries of ‘bring out your dead’ and the heavy tread of government issued boots caused howls of fear to ripple and sweep through the boroughs and dens of inequity. This followed also by a general crawling and a running and slithering away as the fearful and/or guilty sought solution and refuge, the sweet embrace of secure walls and locked doors. This while the likes of I, proud card carrying member of Ruffian Scum local 898, lay stone drunk in a pool of self manufactured spittle and brine, clinging to a whiskey tree and ashtray as one would two lovers of extreme and equal talent. Out of mind and blind with sleep, lost to the cries of ‘bring out your dead’ until the hard tread of government issued boots made introduction uncomfortably to my very personal ribs and spleen.

And so they caught me, bound me, raged me, dragged me. I, Union Goon Second Class and humble narrator! What ignominy, ruin, disgrace. Dragged free and away from the asylum of my whiskey tree. My cries of ‘I ent dead’ largely ignored, the source of mirth and much pleasure. Yes, caught, dragged, found and bound like a hare soon for the pot. And I said through lips daubed rouge: ‘But sirs and enemies, I en't dead so much as I know.’ They laughed and spit: ‘Soon to be corrected.’

Desolately drawn, kicked, prodded shoved through the streets, trailing an assortment of fluids, clear or red or green/yellow, thick, thin or viscous. Other’s poor fortune turns to my luck as captors trot off, in pursuit of these and lessen in number. Through the streets they drag and haul, roped up like a like a sacrificial dishonoured lover, like a broken bird of prey, like fear and like sin caught in the open day light. ‘Bring out your dead’ more cries of, and the wagon piled three deep with corpses and dust in my eyes making tears of mud and choke. Just hoping to survive the day and welcome the embrace of night. And then they are fewer even, my captors and unwanted honour guard down to two, and falling behind the wagon, isolated and struggle and ropes made looser and reaching and a razor from my boot finds my hand and I am on him, I bite him, I bite him hard, in the knee and in the groin bringing him down and upon the other, said razor between teeth now kissing his neck slowly all the way across and more rouge flowing. ‘Bring out your dead’ he shall cry no more.

Now further freed and it tastes like copper. My velocity of escape is as fast as the half deead may limp, but fast enough, and much faster than corpses. Soon to rest and sleep in the warmth of mud... But first to seek the source of a new and uncompromised whiskey tree.

By: Daniel Smallegange

Capitalize on the Time and Space

Capitalize on the time and space

Granted by the un ambition

Of your foes and comrades and enemies

Alike

Their lack of initiative against you

May well be and is

Your only chance at salvation

Salivate at the thought of

Escaping the noose and extending some

Breathing room this extenuating situation provides

Portends

And read the symbols of the winds

And then think of maybe

How to make amends

For your faults and address the shortcomings

Long lists of such

Your critics have amassed

Capitalize soon for

Your foes and comrades and enemies

May yet retrain their forces

Against you

And tighten the noose once more

By: Daniel Smallegange, all rights reserved 2024.

Pay No Mind

Pay no mind

Pay no mind

Time to sit and just unwind

Time to catch a wayward glance

Time to watch as strangers dance

Throughout the background

Out of the light

Into focus then

Out of sight

But through it all

Pay no mind

Pay no mind

Silent and still

Be not unkind

In thought or deed

Keep your council

Calculate the odds

Pick the best path

Through the fog

Enjoy the view and pass the time

But pay no mind

Pay no mind

And hope the gods react in kind

And hope the fates react

In kind

By: Daniel Smallegange, all rights reserved 2024.

The Fiery Pyres You Build So High

 Sifting through the ashes

Of all you have sacrificed

The aftermath of

The fiery pyres you build so high

To curry favour above and or

Below

To impress the neighbours you make these so grand?

Out of obligation or desire?

Expectation of a return on investment equal?

What is it you seek?

It is hard to discern

But gods don't listen mostly

In my experience

Neither those above in heaven

Nor below in hell

Your pyres of fires consume

Evidence also

Of all your crimes and deeds

Of all you wish discarded

Voodoo dolls decorate your living space too

They're crammed in all over the place

In every nook and cranny

Do these also fulfill your need?

So many pins in so many

Crude form creations

Enemies too you have to match

But what ever happened to those friends though?

The ones you said you had though?

I never seen 'em

And no dolls nor ashes

Represent them

And no visitors knock at your door

At least when I'm around

Maybe if you made dolls for them as well

But kind well meaning ones

These friends would provide you more attention

These friends you say you possess

But all I see is you alone

Sitting in front of your burning pyres

Tending offerings or removing proofs

At least they warm you in the night

These fires you burn so high

By: Daniel Smallegange, 2024, all rights reserved.

The Doctors Insist

 The doctors insist

Your eyes are the cure

They've written me a prescription

With this so inscribed

They've studied and analyzed the facts of the case

They say however

The cure might be worse than the disease

What's in your eyes might prove

Fatal or at least lead to

Unforseeable side effects and

Defects of the heart

Regardless they insist

The breakthrough is you

Kissing your waist might help also

This is unproven and

A theory of my own devising

Kissing your pretty waist

And biting your thighs

Is a hypothesis I would like very much

To test and assess

In the name of science

Your neck also

Elegant as it is

The doctors insist

And all the experts

So it's not really my fault

They've written me a prescription

With these things inscribed

I keep it close to my heart

Until the day we meet

By: Daniel Smallegange, all rights reserved.

Walking Down Along the Road

Walking down along the road

Looking down and all around

Seeking

Always seeking

Hoping to find a friend worth keeping

Hoping to see a soul worth meeting

As we walk our lonely path

Towards a day so far away

So many friends and enemies been

Vanquished from the field of play

As we too begin to grey

Walking up towards a bend

Uncertain if we're at the end

Or if we've come to a new way

And can begin a brand new day

To find that friend or

Seek our end

Walking down along the road

By: Daniel Smallegange, all rights reserved.