News from the front
lines in our war with hated enemies the nefarious and notoriously
clean-cut Society for Good,
Chastity and Dog Appreciation. The war grinds on taking a serious and
heartbreaking toll. This tragically
both in time and underwear.
Time which would be better spent on eating
our body weight in cheese, for example, or with
mammary manipulation perhaps.
But we digress.
A
most serious setback in the war
on Decency occurred when
SGCDA forces attacked our Lubrications
and Olfactory Assassinations Department, who's research into
developing killing methods that smell really terrific was severely
interrupted by three Swedish blonde women
who hacked the entire department of scientists
to pieces before they could even hit on them or
let alone try out some of the
new lubricant. They will be sorely
missed. They died smelling
fantastic.
Also a
cyber attack on the
orgynarium's power supply
caused complete confusion
and chaos and a total collapse of
Commandant BillyRayBoy's
efforts to 'get it on' with several mute chimpanzees and
the Donnelly twins. The mood for
the evening was utterly ruined and
although the twins were fine
the chimps will need severe
psychiatric counselling.
But then again this was
likely to happen anyway, knowing BillyRayBoy's eccentric proclivities
as we do.
However, in a glass half full kind of way,
the cover band BillyRayBoy
had hired for the night did manage to
drown in the pool
in all the confusion before
they could do 'Stairway to Heaven'.
These deadly blows
have left our
not so humble
society reeling. War is hell,
but we must march on: swaying, sipping from
cigars, and puffing on rye and cokes,
pawing at each other, you know... having
a rest, waking up late, bleary eyed, marching on a little bit more...
This message brought to
you by the Kareful Kitty Booze Consortium: Why not buy a kitten a
bottle of hooch today?
By: Daniel Smallegange
