Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Can't Decide

I am unwhole
I am unwell
Could not decide whether the faculties
Were bruised or damaged beyond
Could not decide whether heart bled into brain
Or vice versa
Can't decide
Whether it's her's or mine
Can't or won't
It's always mine
I feel a hole
I feel unwell
Whether it's her's
Or mine
I am un satisfied and defied with
Blemished tears which smell of
Whiskey and disinfectant
There are facilities to which
One may run
There are other's arms in which
One may hide
Shovellers to fill
This hole inside
I am un well
Trouble deciding
Whether key faculties
Damaged beyond

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Hip Priest

Hip priest shouts sweet toasts
Shoots from the lips to your
Sweet gyrating hips
Sends shivers to the stratosphere
Of my inner ear
Hip priest
Hip priest
Stalwart minds
Pinprick eyes
Squinting at me
As if through the sun
Like one trying to see behind
Like one trying to find
A truth or maybe pleasant lies
Pinprick eyes

Hip priest shouts in the foreground
Dead letters are in the background
Your sweet gyrating hips the subtext
Sends shivers create tremors
Glimmers of your own one true self
The things I want to do to you
The things I want to do to you
Would make Nero blush

And there's the hip priest
Shouting sweet toasts
In the background
Hip priest Hip Hip
He got a hiss
And a lisp and drooling now
All over the bar
Shiver shiver
The things I want to do to you
The things I want to do to you
Sending me shivers
The way you do
And only you

Saturday, 19 October 2013


Greetings loyal party member from The Society for Evil, Debauchery and Kitten Appreciation.

News from the front lines in our war with hated enemies the nefarious and notoriously clean-cut Society for Good, Chastity and Dog Appreciation. The war grinds on taking a serious and heartbreaking toll. This tragically both in time and underwear. Time which would be better spent on eating our body weight in cheese, for example, or with mammary manipulation perhaps.
But we digress.
A most serious setback in the war on Decency occurred when SGCDA forces attacked our Lubrications and Olfactory Assassinations Department, who's research into developing killing methods that smell really terrific was severely interrupted by three Swedish blonde women who hacked the entire department of scientists to pieces before they could even hit on them or let alone try out some of the new lubricant. They will be sorely missed. They died smelling fantastic.
Also a cyber attack on the orgynarium's power supply caused complete confusion and chaos and a total collapse of Commandant BillyRayBoy's efforts to 'get it on' with several mute chimpanzees and the Donnelly twins. The mood for the evening was utterly ruined and although the twins were fine the chimps will need severe psychiatric counselling. But then again this was likely to happen anyway, knowing BillyRayBoy's eccentric proclivities as we do. However, in a glass half full kind of way, the cover band BillyRayBoy had hired for the night did manage to drown in the pool in all the confusion before they could do 'Stairway to Heaven'.
These deadly blows have left our not so humble society reeling. War is hell, but we must march on: swaying, sipping from cigars, and puffing on rye and cokes, pawing at each other, you know... having a rest, waking up late, bleary eyed, marching on a little bit more...
This message brought to you by the Kareful Kitty Booze Consortium: Why not buy a kitten a bottle of hooch today?

Sunday, 6 October 2013

Life in the Petri Dish

A Beast at Prey

There I strode
Into the darkness
With pride and purpose
Failing to heed
Your calls and
Alone and watchful
Darkness and solemn
And then I pulled
The knife
And walked and waited
The silver metal
In the moonlight
It quelled my fears
And soon my shaking hand
Grew still
I waited and
Watched to see
If my friend or enemy would come
Waiting to kill my friend if I must
Waiting to kill my enemy
If I could
Failing to heed
Your calls and
Quiet as it should
Quiet as it must
A beast at prey

Friday, 20 September 2013

I Shouted a Toast to the Heavens

I shouted a toast to the heavens tonight
For my fallen friend
So recently gone
Taken by no fault of his own
By violence, by insanity
I shouted:
Hey Dom, I am here and
Drinking a pint to you
And if there's an afterlife
I hope you hear me
And are looking down
Enjoying one of your own
At some pub or bar or seedy joint
I don't really know what you prefer
Didn't know you that well
For those types of things
But I remember you
Your good nature and genius
Iconic Aussie hat, too
Remembering you tonight
Drinking pints
On my porch
Hope you heard me
If there's an afterlife
At all
At all

Monday, 5 August 2013

Ali Out and Into the Desert

Ali out and into the desert
Where they cry and knash their teeth
Those deemed outrages or ugly or
Too special
Ali pays them no mind
Out and into the desert
To try and steal sand from the wind
To try and make deals with a djinn
Ali strong and Ali fast
Broken wrapped glass for a dagger
Quicker than the sacred asp
Out and into the desert
Ignoring they who knash teeth and cry
Who come night may test the teeth
Of the jackal packs

Ali smiles grim and fierce
Passes the reaching prostrate
Gives them freely his advice:
It is better to steal than beg
Then out and into the desert
His rags windswept and encapsulating
Ali picks the sand from his eye
Proudly confronts the winds
That have buried civilizations
Let alone a scrawny boy of twelve
To seek adventure and find his djinn
To face the wastes and reveal his sin
Ali alone to brave the night
Ali is free, Ali is bright
Out and into the desert

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Down to the Shed (Where All the Demon's Head)

I want to
Greet you and meet you
Sweep you away
Take you down to the shed
Down to the old shed
Where all the demon's head
Where they dance and plead victim
Where they drink and seek wisdom
And none know what's in store
Chastisement parked abandoned
Outside the door

Come here sweet mystery
And climb into my head
Let me take your arm
Down to that old shed
Where the merry are led
Where the demon's head
To drink away their pain
And seldom do abstain
Down back near the old creek
Where it's dark and warm
Where all are safe from harm

I need to see you
By bonfire light
Sweep you away into the night
Take you down
Down to the old shed
Where all the demon's head
And no one speaks of the dead
But of life, and where Bacchus rules
The dance is free of Christian loathing
Dancers soon bereft of clothing
Sweating and gyrating to the horns of pan

Baby I need to
See you and press against you
Take you down the secret ways
Down to the shed
Where all the demon's head
Libations for the duration
Leave your troubles at the door
Pound some drinks and hit the floor
Back down to the shed
Where the guilty have all fled
And innocence is all but dead

Monday, 13 May 2013

Disturbing Dream May 2013

I had a dream where I was walking at night, lost in an ancient city. I looked down and to my horror there was a black worm inside my index finger. I took an old fashioned penknife and made a hole in my finger, reached in and pulled it out, but it stretched and was holding on. I pulled more and it stretched and grew becoming a caterpillar or centipede, black. Finally, I pulled it out and threw it on the stones where it morphed again and sprouted beetle like wing covers... I went home after this and the massive ancient house we lived in was silent. Where the stairs had been had altered into something so steep I couldn't reach the door and kept sliding back.

Friday, 19 April 2013

Deadly Like a Gun

She has eyes that
Easily accelerate
The pace of my pulse
And the quick
Of my thoughts
Movements orchestral
Pin me down
Deadly like a
She takes my mind and cunning
Twists it this way and that
And I am
Easily distracted by
Her fishnets and hunger which
I seldom can abate
All my lingering fortitude
She shreds it with those eyes
And easily exacerbates
My culpable
Paper-made heart

Friday, 29 March 2013

The Society for Evil, Debauchery and Kitten Appreciation Presents: Dating Tips in an Evil Secret Society.

No, that's not the smell of napalm in the morning, it's the smell of burgeoning romance. We know, sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.

Whether you are dating someone long term, or salaciously shagging in the broom closet at lunch time, or having that torrid affair in the sketchiest of roadside motels with a member of mortal enemies The Society for Good, Chastity, and Dog Appreciation, problems can always arise. Actually they seem to inevitably do so. Usually about five minutes after consummation. And then things can get stickier than the sex. Yes, sleeping with co-workers is really never a good idea, especially if you are dating anyone from the Assassins, Deadly Poisons, or Bad Dressers Departments respectively. The former two for obvious reasons, the latter as who wants to be seen in public with a bad dresser anyways.

And then there are the problems of bumping into an ex during a commando raid on enemy positions (especially if they've lost weight and look really good in their designer commando outfit) or at an evil boardroom meeting when you have to work together after the magic has gone on a much loved project you started when you were an item (that giant death-ray laser that was such a romantic concept, or the tender biological weapon that drew you two together). Though these things can be trying it is vitally important to always remember this sage advice: Never let them see you cry while plotting evil.

Dating in general as an agent of evil is indeed fraught with danger as you never know if the person wants to sleep with you because your brain is really so very sexy, or if maybe they just want to lure you back to their houseboat as it's a convenient way to dispose of a body. Trust me, I've been there! And it's a long swim home.

We suggest you try and develop as many immunities to the 'popular' or 'mainstream' poisons as possible as they are likely to be slipped in your drink when you mention how much you like or do not like children (depending on your point of view). Also, if you must date someone from mortal enemies The Society for Good, Chastity and Dog Appreciation (though they are generally bad in bed) remember to bring a lock pick set for those damnable chastity belts!

Finally, remember when you're climbing the corporate ladder there is always someone climbing behind you, and attempting to climb over you. When they do so, try and arrange yourself so this is as sexually gratifying as possible.

We even suggest dating 'good' people. Definitely avoid dating someone as evil as you are!  Yes, 'good' people are generally na├»ve, and sweet and far, far too trusting, and would never stab you in the back. They do tend to get all preachy however, and when affronted, will stab you in the front instead, and be all self righteous about it at the same time.  In fact, disregard everything. We recommend instead to date no one.


Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Let's Have Us a Love Affair

Let's have us a love affair
You an' me
We'll take a long weekend
Try an' see what could be
Meet each other and walk the desert
Or huddle by the sea
Rub each one of our bodies
Tell each other our own
Grim stories
And laugh at all our follies
Bruise each of our lips
With kisses
Make each other smile
With ironic quips and lusty dips
Let's have us a love affair
You an' me
I can see it in your eyes
You have doubts
But trust in me
Over a long weekend
By the desert or along
The sea
Just you an' me
Take a long weekend
Try an' see
What could be

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

I Fought a Dog

I fought a dog for a bone
I made a log into a throne
Then called up Jimmy for a loan
All he did was groan
Then he told me I was known
To the police and wanted for
Crimes and certain
So I decided
Decided to settle in Rome
Had to leave behind my throne
Find a new dog
To fight over a
Of contention and I never did
Never ever ever did
Ever pay back that loan

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Depressed and Repressed

Depressed and repressed an'
Someone came and discothequed and then
There was the repossess of
My Eldorado an'
I loved that car and that was why
She left me as she said
I loved it more than she
And she said I was
Not attractive
And there you are and I am here
Repressed and depressed low an'
Someone came and discothequed
It was grotesque, but kind of cool
But raised me spirits none
Wishin' on having a gun
But a bullet you can't out run
And causes more pain than relief I find
In the giver as also them in receipt
And so I digress a per
But repressed and depressed
Is the solution to this mathematical equation
Or answer anyways
Now walking hitchhiking
Fond memories of the car
Heading down, down
Towards the bar
So I can drink and drink it all to haze
My Eldorado and baby gone
Smoking informally
In my last clean jacket an' tie
Enter the throng
Regressed and hip stressed
Live Dixie
Whiskey and whore blessed
Down low and lookin' up
Smiles huge and lap it up
Grotesque view and kinda cool
Smile huge and raise my cup

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Friday, 8 February 2013

My Demon Lover

My demon lover
Showered me with gifts
Preferred the rooms painted
Red and orange
Said it reminded him of home
He got homesick sometimes
My demon lover
His eyes had sparks and his wit was
His laughter was a rare gem
And he danced a Waltz
As if possessed
My handsome tall narrow
Demon lover
He got more physical if I got
My demon lover
Liked the opera and
Traffic accidents
Left me with a taste
For blood
While he preferred
White wine
Which seemed strange
And contrarian
But that's why I loved
My demon lover

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

You're like a Sliver

You're like a sliver
Got under my skin
And I can't get you out
Down deep an' buried
Deep under my skin
Inflame me, itch me
And all my teeth an' claws
Can do nothing to get you out from
Underneath the layers
Layers of my skin
Down deep an' buried
You're like a sliver
Got under my skin
Got tucked in my brain
And all I can do is
Welcome the disaster
Pray for the rain to come
To soothe this fever
You, like a sliver,
Deep under my skin
Bring on
Useless all
My teeth an' claws

Thursday, 3 January 2013

And I Said Damn

And I said damn
And then he fell
Fell to his knees
And then he said
I answered for love
And then
I pulled the trigger
And then
He fell on his face
Blood pooling around him
Around him in a halo
And I spit
And I said damn

Wednesday, 2 January 2013


I am the high priest of hipness
I gyrate and do so
On my own terms
Your terminology regarding me
Is flawed
High priest of Hipness
Sturgeon of the seas
I make women and gay men
Tremble at the knees
Issue squeals with my
Flaring nostrils and heightened sense of
My own supremacy
Your lack of currency
Inadequacy to deal with me

In arrears to everybody
High priest Hip priest
Sturgeon like
Of the seas
Take better care of yourself and
Wipe up that drool
It's forming all slick and
Into a pool
Highpriest of ass shake
No tricks here or lie
Shambolic and large
Here in the superabundance
Here and in the flesh
Hip Priest of drool
Gyrating on terms
Of my own making
Disintegrating all of your
Previous conceptions
Miss-manufactured devices and
Lacklustre defences
High Priest of hipness
Crocodile shedder
Of tears and salutations
Give me a piece
Just a piece peace piece
Of your soul so I can sell it
On the open market